I'm Human
by Petra Megami Assari
Summary: Shonenai. Duo asks Heero what he's going to do after the war. The answer he gets is one that he expects. The emotions, on the other hand, are a suprise. There is also a songpoem at the end, that the story inspired me to write.


Petra: Please... be very kind... this is a very, very early fic...  
Kati: Before me.  
Petra: WAY before Kati.  
Kati: As in...  
Petra & Kati: FIRST FIC!!!  
Petra: Yes, this my very fist Gundam Wing shonen-ai fic.   
Kati: So... be gentle...   
  
DEDICATED: To first times; first writings, first kisses, first loves. Because, the first times are what will forever color everything else we do.  
WARNING: Early fic, beware.  
DISCLAIMER: Don't own Gundam Wing, but I do own the poem/song thing and the story.  
  
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I'm Human  
  
"Dreams make life worth living. Without dreams, we aren't really human, are we?" -0083; Dreaming of You (GW)  
  
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"Heero... what're ya goin' to do after the war?" The whispered question had more impact on me than I would care to admit to anyone. It had been something that had been burning into me ever since I had realized that I might live through this war... And that frightened me like nothing ever had. What would I do after the war? It was a question I hadn't even considered at the beginning, yet now it loomed over me instead of death.   
  
"Heero... Dude... Ya still there?" the voice breaks through my thoughts, and I look toward my fellow pilot. His wide, still innocent violet eyes stare back at me unblinkingly, asking me a question that I don't have an answer to yet. I had never thought I'd live past this war, was positive I would die during it, yet here I was, contemplating a future that at the beginning I hadn't even known I had.   
  
"I don't know... Work for Relena most likely," I reply, saying the first *reasonable* thing that comes to mind. The first thing that came to mind is something that I can't say to anyone, much less admit to myself. I want to stay with you... Duo... with you and all my family, the other pilots. They're people I care about now, they're the only family I have... the only family I will ever have. Most of all, though, I want to be with you, Duo.   
  
I watch as something flashes in his violet eyes, but it goes by too quickly for me to tell what it was. If I could guess, I would almost say it was... Hurt... "Oh... well... I should've figured..." his voice isn't the same anymore though, it's deep and thick, as though being forced, almost as though it hurts to say it. "I mean... ya love her and all." I almost laugh then and there, my usual stern self-control cracking so a smile upturns my lips and makes my lungs heave with the effort of not chuckling.   
  
"Heero... are you... smilin'...?" Duo asks, sitting up in surprise, and focusing those violet orbs on my face. I smile at him, reveling in the pleasure the shocked look on his face gives me. "You're... laughin'..." I can't hold it in anymore and laugh outright, the sound strange and at the same time somehow... beautiful... The unsilencable Duo Maxwell at a loss for words AND stating the obvious are just too much. Laughter just... pours out of me like tears and soon I can't stop, it's like I opened what I thought was a stream and it turned out to be a flood. Soon, my side aches from the unfamiliar jolts that laughing cuases.   
  
After I have finally calmed down I get up and walk over to Duo, who is kneeling, still stunned, on his bed, putting my finger under his chin and tilting it up toward me. "Duo, I'm human also. I laugh, I cry, I feel pain, both physical and emotional. Is seeing me laugh that big of a deal? I am a human and just like a human, I have uncertainties, things I'm not sure about." I lean a little closer, taking his wrists in mine so he won't back away... is that what I think it is in his eyes, or am I just seeing what I wish were there? "And just like a human I can feel..." I let go of his wrists, slowly backing up before I do something I regret. Sighing, I look at the clock, a little disgruntled to notice it is only four a.m. Sparing one last glance at the still motionless Duo, I climb back in bed and embrace sleep. At least there I won't have to face wide violet eyes and, if I do, they always reflect my own emotions in them.   
  
.  
..  
...  
....  
.....  
......  
.......  
........  
.........  
..........  
  
I'm considered a soldier,   
And nothing more.  
Not gonna have a life after this war.  
I will live through this battle, though,  
Because something inside me burns strong,  
Something that I know will go on.  
For...  
  
I laugh,  
I cry,  
I hurt when I say good-bye.  
I feel pain,  
I feel hope,  
Both physical and emotional.  
I laugh 'cause,  
I'm human too...  
Just like you...  
  
At the beginning there was only battles,  
But now there is only you,  
So innocent and so true.  
Never dreamed of the future.  
Never thought I'd live this long,  
But here you are, proving me wrong.  
  
You made me laugh,  
You made me cry,  
You made it hurt when we said good-bye.  
I felt pain,  
I felt hope,  
When you were hurt and when you rose,  
I can laugh because,  
I have a soul too...  
Just like you...  
  
You are my family,  
I never want you to go,  
Though you'll probably never know.  
Is that love I see in your eyes?  
Or am I only seeing a reflection,  
Of my own internal din?  
  
How can you make me laugh,  
While you make me cry?  
Make it hurt everytime we say good-bye.  
You make me feel pain,   
Even as I feel hope,  
When I didn't think that I could cope.  
You made me laugh,  
Made me realize I'm human too...  
Just like you...  
  
Why do you look so shocked when I smile?  
Have I always been that sad?  
Did you see what was in your face; what you had?  
When I laughed I shocked you to silence,  
Something that doesn't happen much,  
Do my emotions and I seem so out of touch?  
  
So you've seen me laugh,  
And you've seen me cry.  
You've watched my hurt as we said good-bye.  
You've seen my pain,  
You've seen my hope,  
The way I never let it show.  
You make me laugh,  
Always remind me that I'm human too...  
Just like you...  
  
What started as just a tiny stream,  
Turned into a flood,  
With all the work made of my tears and blood,  
Undone by wide violet eyes,  
But I always turn away,  
Wishing you would ask me to stay...  
  
Together we've laughed,  
Wiped away all the proof that we cried,  
We've died a little everytime we say goodbye.  
We shared our pain,  
Wished for a reason to hope,  
Wished the guilt would wash off with soap.  
But we still laugh,  
You made me a human too...  
Just... like... you...  
  
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IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.   
  
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Petra: It was so long ago... but I know that I wrote the story and then the poem came to me.  
Kati: Don't ask me anything, I wasn't there.  
Petra: It's... short and stupid and not really original... but it's my first so it's special.  
Kati: Remember, be kind when you review...  
  
"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."   
-Rose Marie Ledam  
  
~Petra Megami Assari~  
*The Gentle Tiger Goddess* 


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